Keys to Developing Post Divorce Relationships

by: By David M Arnold, MSSW

Remember the time when we walked down the aisle. This was the most exciting day of our lives. Making the vows to honor and protect, cherish, love, etc., till divorce do us part? This is a common ritual and part of our culture for people that are "in-love" and wanting to share their lives together. Then after years gone by, we look at each other and think to ourselves, "Where is the person I married"? We no longer meet our needs; we don’t know one another anymore. We failed to grow together, instead, we grew apart. For whatever the reasons, however long the list, the marriage did not work out and naturally we have mixed feelings about getting into another relationship. Our hearts have been broken, slandered, abused, and do we really want to go through this again? With the pain of divorce and the feeling of failure, the answer is "I don’t know"! We already have mixed feelings about forming new relationships. Depending on our ages, we are not attracted to the men or women because they have "let themselves go". You may be frightened of choosing the wrong person again and making the same mistakes. You feel you cannot afford emotionally, mentally and financially to go through all that pain again. However, deep down, we still believe that their is our "Soul Mate" our Prince Charming", our "life anchor" that we can share with and have complete trust and understanding. Your heart knows that there's love out there for you and that you have a lot of love to give too. Somewhere inside you still believe it's possible to create blissful relationships even after a divorce. Listen to that wisdom. Hang on to that hope. You don't have to repeat the same patterns of emotional problems or communication problems in relationships. You can learn new relationship skills that will enable you to form a great romantic partnership that grows from strength to strength. Have you ever walked outside in public and saw two people holding hands, showing affection, and though to yourself, "Why can't I have that?" You can and I would like to share four ways to fabulous, fulfilling new relationships after a divorce:

1. Learning Lessons in Love and Commitment

It's frightening how many of us repeat the same mistakes over and over. There are reasons and simple explanations for this. Many of us if not all of us want to be accepted and appreciated, encouraged, and adored. We often seek what we have had or did not have while growing up. We are attracted to familiarity. We may not like patterns of behaviors but somehow it empowers us to seek approval. It's like we carry some kind of internal 'relationships' template and we try and apply that same pattern of behavior every time we are in an intimate relationship. When forming fresh relationships after divorce, throw out the inner template. Clearly it didn't work for you last time. Why repeat the same things? Come at your new relationships with nothing but a desire to discover new ways of being together in love. Understand that a relationship is a journey of discovery. It's an adventure that you navigate through. You'll experience storms, tempests, hurricanes, fog, and times when it seems like you are becalmed and nothing is happening in the relationship. Hold to your destination: love and commitment. Be true to your guiding light: love. And enjoy the journey to commitment.

2. Breaking the Bonds that Tie Us

Moving out of your comfort zone is a huge step for many of us. Doing something out of the ordinary and can be uncomfortable. However, that is how we grow emotionally, spiritually, financially, and intellectually. In previous relationships, we may have heard time and time again, derogatory and demeaning comments enough times that we started to believe them. Breaking the emotional bondage and explore your thoughts and feelings and learning why we react the way we do is a key to having a successful relationship. Inside is where the magic of your life happens, not in the outer world. You've felt the pain of divorce and maybe you've deliberately numbed yourself to your feelings. That's okay; it's natural to protect yourself that way. Just realize that you fall in love and out of love in your head, in your thoughts and feelings about someone. As you can control your thoughts and manage your feelings, you have creative power over how your relationship feels to you. Right now, you could be in bliss if you wanted to. Or you could let your mind talk create an experience of pain and self-pity. It all depends on what thoughts and feelings you choose to focus on. When building new love relationships after divorce it pays to take responsibility for your thoughts and feelings. Nobody else can make you feel bad or make you feel good without your participation. You're the one who chooses how to process what you are experiencing. When you experiment with this you will rapidly come to realize that you are free to be happily single if you choose to be or to enjoy wonderful, warm, passionate, affectionate relationships. You are the point of power in any relationship. Therefore you have 100% ability to create a wonderful relationship.

3. Cracking the Chemistry Code

By learning about chemistry and energy interactions you will improve your ability to navigate relationships after divorce. Learning boundaries will help facilitate your closeness or distance, your desire to be closer or that you need to more space. Give them too much space and not enough affection and the attraction between you will start to waiver. There's a fine balance. And it's an ever-changing dynamic. I learned in counseling school that there is no such thing as cause and effect. But rather, its multiple causes produces one effect. When you think you've cracked the code, the dynamic will change. Life's like that. It's designed to keep you on your toes -- and keep you growing. The one thing we strive for is an organic relationship that is alive and grows unconditionally. Remember your romantic vision and your commitment to love as an idea and guiding principle, that way you will always find new, creative ways of building your love relationship. Like most things in life, wonderful marriages are earned through hard work, they don't just happen. The greatest challenge for anyone is to have a successful relationship. They just don’t happen and they do take work. Being romantic and spontaneous does not make love last forever. Each person brings to a new relationship, heartaches and pain. We automatically look for signs as if we are pre-conditioned to find fault and errors. We are guarded and on high alert! In your post divorce relationship, we should treat our relationship as the ultimate self-improvement program. Each day challenges you to be creative and innovative in your romantic and loving gestures. If you take Love as a characteristic you want to build into your nature, and practice being more loving every day, especially with your mate, you will be well on your way to creating a blissful love life.

4. Get to Know Thyself!

All of this will come together if you do one important task. Get to Know Thyself! You may think that this is odd. However, men especially have a difficult time expressing themselves. Women are always trying to figure us out. But the good news is…you can learn about yourself through free online assessments. There are several assessments I have linked in my website that you can glean from. The more you understand your psychological self, the easier it will be to share it with others. The happy and healthier your next relationship will be. Through learning and understanding your own behaviors, you can move into the next relationship without any apprehension. By understanding your own relationship development, you do not have to be in the relationship guessing game. You can learn about your love languages, your personality styles, your IQ, personal development, career assessments, etc, and it is fun to do. Through these self-assessments, you will learn what you are attracted too and what which personality styles would provide the most challenging. By knowing thyself, it makes it easier to know others and to feel the love we want. Understanding why things happened and forgiving our past; breaking the bonds that hold us down; finding the chemistry in the next relationship; and learning from self-assessments. All of these things will give you the tools to be successful in your next relationship. That secret is….selflessness!

END

David M Arnold is an experienced Therapist, Counselor, Mediator, and Life Coach that brings his personal experience to help you achieve success. Areas of interests include Relationship Development, Business Development, Real Estate, Financial Coaching, Internet Marketing, and Healthcare.

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Festive Early Relationship Advice - How to Ensure That Your New Relationship Survives Christmas

by: Lucy OBrien

Christmas is a time for sharing and being with the people whom you love. We look forward to spending time with our family and loved ones. And there is nothing better than snuggling up to your lover in the cold winter weather and sharing those special cosy times together. However, Christmas is also a time of danger for many new relationships, especially if he may not be quite ready for anything serious. So what could his problem be and how do you ensure that your relationship survives the festive period?

Well, if you have read any of my previous material, you will know that I strongly advise against the dangers of expecting too much too soon early on in relationships. It is often the case that a woman decides that this is the man for her before he has even considered this matter himself. Unfortunately, Christmas is a time of higher expectations for many women and this is where it can start to go wrong. If he senses your expectations for a shared Christmas - whether they are to do with presents, meeting his family or spending quality time together - he may start to feel a sense of panic, if he's not quite ready for this. Perhaps he has regular plans for Christmas and he's not ready to change them for you just yet.

It is often when a man feels pressured into something that he's not ready for that he starts to look for a way out. In other words, this generally this triggers his withdrawal response. This can happen at any time of the year but is often heightened at Christmas time and around the festive period.

You should not take this personally if you have only known him for a few months. It is quite normal for a man to be much slower to commit to a relationship than a woman. So, if you haven't known him that long and you don't want to scare him off, then you're going to have to back off a bit over Christmas, however painful this is for you. When Christmas is over, then hopefully it will be safe to resume the relationship where it left off.

Of course, there are several factors which contribute to his fear of spending Christmas in a new relationship and make him pull away. For example, when a man is faced with buying a card and a gift for a woman whom he is not 100% sure he is serious about, it can bring terror and dread. He doesn't know how much to spend or what to buy. He's terrified of giving out the message that this means he's serious. It's far easier to push all that to the back of his mind and get on with his own stuff.

The problem for a woman is that she wants so much to spend that special time and connection with the man that she is crazy about. It's incredibly disappointing to her to find out that he doesn't feel the same way. But this doesn't mean that he won't feel that way in the future - if you don't push it now and let your disappointment spill over into bad feelings and frustration.

So, just for this once, let him have his Christmas. You know that if you and he make it through to the following Christmas then it's all going to be different, as you will be so much closer by then. Resist the urge to force your presence and your presents upon him. Let him set the pace and let him see what a cool, special lady you are by showing him that you are happy whether you spend time with him or not this Christmas. Have a great time anyway and let him know it.

Of course there are men for whom this doesn't apply and they can't wait to be with you at Christmas, but the chances are, that if you're reading this right now, then it's not you he's spending his time with. Don't spend your time moping around and waiting for him. Spend your time pampering yourself, honing your dating skills and making sure that next year, you won't be spending Christmas alone but with the man of your dreams.

Don't spend another Christmas alone. There is a certain type of woman that a man will always want to spend his time with. She knows how to captivate him and communicate with him to draw him close and get him to respond in the ways that she wants. You can learn to be the type of woman that men adore and never want to leave by visiting http://makemyrelationshipfabulous.info. When you understand what a man wants from your relationship and how to make him happy, you will always keep him coming back for more. Alternatively, get the dating skills that you need to succeed. Visit my web site to learn how and find 10 Easy Ways to Make a Man Happy and Boost Your Relationship at http://www.datingtorelationshipadvice.com/KeepRelationshipStrong/MakeAManHappyBoostRelationship/

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Tuuli Mattelmäki: "Designing for New Relationships" - Designing for New Realities! seminar 6.3.2012

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Relationship After Cheating And Rebuilding A Brand New Trust-Filled Marriage

by: Coleta Stewart

Repairing a relationship after cheating and building a brand new trust-filled marriage is possible with dedication and hard work. Believe it or not, but it is possible to make your marriage better than it was before the affair happened. The first order of business is to abandon the idea that you are going to go back to the way it used to be before the affair. Only then can you commit to doing the work that is necessary to make your relationship far better in the future.

If you're the injured spouse, you'll need time to heal the hurt and pain, but you also have to do things to make changes, time is good but if you don't do anything, then time heals nothing. There are basically four things that you need to rebuild the love and trust in your marriage. They are love, commitment, hard work and knowledge.

Restore the love

Love is the foundation of a happy marriage, it is what makes it thrive. Without it you might as well go your separate ways.

Being committed

Both you and your spouse needs to be fully committed to each other and also to saving the marriage. It takes two to make a marriage work.

Doing the hard work

Let's face it, this is not going to be an easy process. The reality is that healing after the affair requires lots of hard work, time and effort for both of you. It is not a walk in the park.

Acquire knowledge

Assuming you already have love and commitment and both of you are willing to do the hard work, you still need to know how to make your marriage better. This is the easy part because once the other three factors are in place, you can always seek out and acquire the knowledge that you need.

Love, commitment and hard work is totally up to you and your spouse. No one can make you love, commit, or work hard for the sake of your marriage. If you are dedicated to rebuilding your relationship after cheating, then all the hard work that you put in to save your marriage will be worth it.

Get immediate help right now to heal your relationship after cheating and rebuild the love in your marriage. Learn how to restore the trust, stop the negative thoughts and save your marriage from divorce. Visit: http://www.emotionalaffairadvice.com/ - today and get instant access to download the FREE 7-Part Survive an Affair course.

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Abraham ~ Your new relationships story :)

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Nail Tech Industry News - Mother/daughter Team Still Forging New Relationships After 30 Years

by: Max Pain

The Supply Source has been an industry leader in pricing and variety in the beauty supply business for over 30 years. A slogan mentioned on their website at idonails still resonates with nail techs: "We know what you want and what you need... quality products - service and selection - low prices!"

In 1980, before starting the adventure of manufacturing licensed nail products, the Udlers were full time nail technicians themselves. They were tired of paying over inflated prices for basic supplies. They knew what was needed and decided they could offer top quality products, great service and savings at low wholesale prices better than anyone else. It was upon this basic tenant that The Supply Source (guaranteed Service and Savings - SS) was founded.

Well, many years have passed since 1980 and the 100% owned mother-daughter team is still forging new relationships. Nail technicians from all over the globe have helped them become a success by offering over 16,000 items and representing over 30 various product lines and brands. Most notably, The Supply Source manufactures a unique line of products that are globally distributed.

The SS brand has become well known to nail techs for savings and quality for both gel and acrylic nail supplies along with staying on top of the latest fashion trends of beautiful nail art.

Millions of dollars in sales have forged successful partnerships with over 700,000 satisfied professionals. They have helped these nail technicians by increasing their profits, by saving them money, offering new products and techniques as soon as they become available, maintaining highly educated personnel in the industry whom may offer nail tech support & top notch chemists on staff for research and development.

Visit their website to review their latest educational demos or sign up for their monthly newsletter to stay on top of the latest fashion trends of creating beautiful color acrylic nail art using Supply Source products!

The Supply Source customer promise after 30 years is still the same, to offer the best selection, prices and service as humanly possible. Patterned after the wall mart model, nail techs will find all that they are looking for within a one-stop-shop experience. Simply stated, you will find all that you need at the right price with great customer service representation. They cut the language barrier if you do not speak English, offer product support and other technical issues, continuing education, trade show participation and most importantly, someone actually picks up the phone when you call during business hours.

Nail Techs will find a large selection of professional supplies. They are making it easier to do business with nail technicians throughout the world by offering multiple delivery and payment options including:

+ Free shipping on orders of $99 and more...
+ Same day shipping
+ Global exporting
+ Private labeling
+ Bulk and volume discounts

If you are a nail tech or beauty professional, compare their prices with the other suppliers. Their guarantee, The Supply Source will match any advertised price" offered by any competitor. Request a full-color nail supply catalog or view it in a PDF format of over 16,000 new products.

Mahesh Mhatre writes articles for Nail Tech Wholesale Supply Companies such as http://Idonails.com. Visit http://www.idonails.com for all your acrylic nail products gel nail products.

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